It is 2016 and everybody is afraid of their feelings. Why is it so normal to keep your thoughts bottled up inside? Why is it not our first instinct to tell that person that you really miss them? Why can’t I tell my friends that I love them? Why are we so afraid?
I struggle with the endless worry that comes with being a twenty-one-year-old who spent her younger years being a push-over. I did everything for everyone. I let people use me and, as I grew up a bit and learnt how to say “no”, I became the cynic that I am now. I live in a constant state of panic that my friends will think that I am too clingy if I text them and ask them to hang out or simply just say, “I miss you” or “I love you.” Because I do. I miss them a lot. I love them a lot. I would shout that from the rooftops if I thought they’d appreciate it.
Do we all live this way?
While I panic that they will back away from me as quickly as they can if I confess any kind of emotion towards them, do they worry that I will do the same? Is that boy from uni wondering if I miss him too? Are those girls I used to see every Sunday wondering if I too miss our long, deep chats about life and the universe? Do they wonder if I crave just one more afternoon speaking about anything and everything as much as they want it? If they are thinking that, I say, “Yes. I want all of that too and I want it now.”
Leaving university has been a much harder transition for me than I thought it would be. Usually I didn’t mind the summer too much because I knew that, even if I didn’t see my friends at all, they would be ready and waiting for me in three months time when term started again. Now my friends are scattered across the country, working weekends and/or odd hours and seeing their friends who aren’t me and I miss them and I want to see them but how do I tell them that?
I am growing tired of this society and the way in which we close ourselves off. I am increasingly bored of keeping my emotions inside and not opening up to those I love to tell them just that: I love them.
I want to sing their praises.
I want to shower them with affection.
Maybe that is weird. Maybe I have always been right to not tell people this because it does actually make me slightly abnormal and, quite frankly, unattractive company.
Would I rather be weird than not feel at all?
I love you, friends. You are my world and I miss you like nothing else.