Posted in About Me, People, People and Lives

Untitled.

I didn’t have a good evening. I didn’t have a good day.

I left work this evening tired and slow. It was a long day. A typical Monday, you may say. It wasn’t bad but it dragged and I struggled to keep my eyes open. It was dark because the weather was bad and the sterile lights of dozens of computer screens puts a real strain on your eyes after eight and a half hours.

I left work this evening cheerful. I walked out with my friend. We laughed, spoke about our plans for the evening and laughed some more. He went one way to his car. I went the other. I live close to work. It’s a twenty minute journey at most and, after sitting down all day, I crave that walk home where I get the chance to stretch my legs and my back and breathe a bit of fresh air.

Today was different.

I said goodbye to my friend and I crossed the road and turned right onto a main road. There were a lot of cars at standstill, waiting for a gap in the roundabout traffic ahead so they could, like me, go home and relax for the evening. I walked past a silver car with its windows down and, inside it, I heard men talking. I didn’t listen to their conversation. My mother raised me well. It isn’t polite to eavesdrop. Besides, I presumed they were talking to each other and not to me. After all, I didn’t know them from Adam.

I continued walking, mindlessly thinking about putting on my pyjamas, crawling into bed and watching EastEnders. Maybe I’d play a couple of games of Sudoku if I was really looking to treat myself.

I was about two cars in front of the silver car when I heard his voice, calling me. He sounded polite. I thought that maybe I had dropped something and he was getting my attention so I’d notice. I turned around and the man beckoned me with his finger. Alarm bells rang. I looked at him with “Are you serious?” eyes, said “Er no,” turned around and continued to walk, getting to the roundabout that had everybody at a standstill.

It always takes me a while to cross that road but I prayed that today would be an exception. Behind me, the silver car honked its horn and its passenger continued calling me, yelling unintelligble phrases along with “Excuse me, come back.”

Occassionally, I heard “bum.”

Did I have something on my trousers?

I didn’t want to chance it so I looked the other way and hoped a gap in the traffic would present itself quickly. There was a brief one so I legged it. This was unlike me but I wanted to get away. I didn’t know what they were saying and past experience and stories from many of my female friends told me that I shouldn’t wait to find out.

I stepped out into the road and the car honked its horn again. They were driving past me. This time, I couldn’t escape them. I was looking that way to ensure I wasn’t about to be run over so how could I ignore them?

The passenger leant out the window and the things he said he wanted to do to me were disgusting.

As quickly as it happened, it was over and I was stood on the island in the middle of the road, stunned.

I had rolled my eyes at him to pretend I didn’t care but the moment that car had disappeared, my eyes pricked with the threat of tears and I felt the burn of my cheeks turning red.

How humiliating.

In front of dozens of cars and people, in the middle of the Hertfordshire rush hour, two young men felt that they had the right to degrade and objectify me.

Who gave them this right?

I felt dirty. I felt ashamed. I began to question myself.

How was I walking? Was I asking for their comments with the way I dressed? Were my bootcut tailored trousers and long white shirt too sultry? What about my denim jacket that hid the outline of the camisole I wear underneath it? Was my tired, “I can’t wait to crawl into bed” walk mesmerising for them? Did they see everything they wanted in my dull, unbrushed hair and make up-less face?

Why was it okay for them to yell at me the grotesque acts they wanted to undertake with my body?

Why was it acceptable to make a twenty-one-year-old woman cry in the road?

What’s funny, and yet not, is that I thought of things I could say back to them. I thought of things I could yell at them but I didn’t. I didn’t because that voice in my head told me that the people around me in the surrounding cars would be disgusted by those unladylike words. They would think poorly of me because of the choice phrases I so wanted to throw at those boys. But nobody stepped in and stopped them. None of the people walking by. Nobody else with their windows open, watching these actions take place from their own safe havens, inside their cars.

I don’t blame them. I wonder if I would help if I saw another girl in my situation. Would I be too scared that they would do the same to me? Probably.

I wouldn’t usually cry. Unsurprisingly (or maybe surprisingly for some of you), this isn’t the first time this has happened to me.

From the little things, like the men making comments as I bought bananas in ASDA in May, to the bigger, like the man who tried to grab me in a subway while I walked my dog when I was fifteen. The man who, by the way, tried to grab several girls around that time, all of whom gave statements and all of whom (including me) have to see him when they go to the shops for a pint of milk or wait at the bus stop because he was never charged.

To the friend who used my anxieties over that incident to coax me into his house, make me feel comfortable and then used my trust against me to try and make me perform unthinkable acts on him or the guy who kissed me at university and when I wouldn’t go home with him, spread rumours about me to our friends.

From the men who shout at me and my friends in the street, asking us to take off our clothes, to the boys on nights out who feel that they have the right to grope us in a dark room and that we won’t mind.

I cried tonight because it had all built up.

From the man last week who told me I needed breakdown cover purely because “you will break down because you’re a little girl” to those slimeballs who beeped and shouted at me along a main road in pure daylight in front of dozens of people today.

I have had enough of the misogyny that is still so evidently in effect in today’s society. I am so privileged to live in England where, as a woman, I am mostly equal. The occassional situation that scares me or upsets me brings my opinions on my country down so much. England is great. England is wonderful. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else (except maybe Lapland) but why do a small percentage of men find it acceptable to make women like me feel dirty, ashamed, embarrassed, anxious, scared, upset, disgusted and self-conscious?

My mum, as her job, helps and hears stories from people of all genders, ages, races and backgrounds who have been a part of horrendous and horrifying acts, acts I could never imagine. Why is this still happening?

I am sad today. I want this over now. It’s 2016. Give us our freedom. Give us our safety.

 

Post-word: I am well aware that, compared to many, I have it easy. I am also well aware that this happens to men too. This post is purely my way of letting my feelings about today and the past few weeks (where this happened quite a few times) off of my chest. Love and blessings to all of you xo

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Posted in About Me, Film and TV, People, People and Lives, Reviews

“Where you lead, I will follow.” A Gilmore Girls Trailer Review.

“Winter. Spring. Summer. Fall. Seasons may change, but some things never will.”

What fine words to greet me on a Wednesday evening as I cry my eyes out over the release of the very first trailer for Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life.

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Poster courtesy of Netflix/Warner Bros.

If you are new to this blog, you will have absolutely no idea about my love for Gilmore Girls but if you have ever been here for even a second, you will be well aware and probably beyond fed up of my constant mentioning of it. But if you have been Gilmored, you know how I feel right now and you are also jumping up and down excitedly, squealing and wondering how on Earth you are going to manage to wait until November 25th to see our favourite ladies back on our screens. It’s okay. I understand. I’m with you there.

This trailer is nothing short of beautiful. Opening with the familiar hum of Sam Phillips’ beautiful score and perfectly fitting “la la”‘s, we are immediately transported home, back to that quaint Connecticut town of Stars Hollow.

Continue reading ““Where you lead, I will follow.” A Gilmore Girls Trailer Review.”

Posted in About Me, advice, People, People and Lives

Don’t hold back.

I’ve had Galvanize stuck in my head for the last two days which explains the title of this post but also speaks to the heart a bit this week.

I’m not sure if it’s because I recently moved back to the town where I grew up and everything is EXACTLY THE SAME or if it’s because I have that little voice in my head that tells me that things will go wrong but I’ve been struggling a lot recently to do what makes me happy (and, more importantly, just me for me).

Continue reading “Don’t hold back.”

Posted in About Me, People, People and Lives

“It’s all happening!”: Going into the real world.

The time has come for me to take my first steps into the real world. I have just received my first job offer and, as of Monday, I will be a proper adult, working a proper job in a proper company and (get this) I’m even going to get a proper bank account. I know. No more living in dependence of my overdraft. How adult.

Continue reading ““It’s all happening!”: Going into the real world.”

Posted in About Me, education, People, People and Lives, Uncategorized, university

“To infinity and beyond!”

The only phrase that I find fitting to mark this moment in my life is “Geez, Louise.” With a mark of 70.8%, I just managed to squeeze myself into a First Class Honours degree from the University of Portsmouth. So, this is it. I am done. In less than a month, I will be an official graduate. My profile picture will, no doubt, see me dressed to the nines in a cap and gown. Education is over. I think it is fair to say that I am chuffed.

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Continue reading ““To infinity and beyond!””

Posted in Film and TV, Reviews, Uncategorized

Fuller House: A Series Review.

As I pointed out in my last post, I recently watched Full House for the first time after I noticed its presence on Netflix. It, along with a number of other old school American shows like The Brady Bunch, was always on my TV bucket list so I went all out and binged the lot. Eight seasons in two weeks, along with job interviews and having a life. It was a sacrifice but somebody’s got to do it!

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Way Back When. Photo courtesy of Full House Wikia.

After being somewhat disappointed by the finale of Full House, I was intrigued to see where Fuller House takes off, especially since Michelle Tanner (played by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) would not be making an appearance on the show. I was excited to watch the revival, not just to see what the characters are up to twenty years later, but because I didn’t feel like the final episode gave a lot of closure. In a way, that was good because the show is about a family and their life and, of course, people’s lives change constantly but I would have liked something more. Are D.J. and Steve back together? Will Joey ever find love? What about Danny? How would Stephanie handle high school? I had so many questions, none of which were answered, and I needed to know. ASAP.

Continue reading “Fuller House: A Series Review.”